*sigh*

I wonder..whether its worse to be pushed around and not know it, or to be pushed around and know it but deal with it, or to be a loner and therefore not get pushed around at all..

I think i sort of end up in the second category but only when it comes to *ahem* certain people. I end up just tagging along and following cos it the easiest way out. Spares me the headache of having to to the whole quarrel-apolgize thing though i must admit my tolerance level is getting low and i do a lot less of saying sorry. It saves me the hassle of trying to concoct a believable story so that the full blown wrath of an over-possesive friend will not end up directed at me, nor anyone else i know. Im not being mean or anything, but hasnt anyone of you ever done anything like that?? Better to say i'm out with my mom then to say i'm going out for a movie with someone you know but its not with you. But it is incredibly stressful. Having to juggle time, having to think about what i do, where i go, what i eat bla bla bla... And it sucks having to drag yourself out when i dont want to go. It sucks i cant even really talk to my own boy when she's around. It sucks then none of us 'attached poeople' can even talk about our other half without getting black stares. (Trust me, we've all gone through the same situation} It sucks that i sometimes cant do things by my own bloody self. And it hard, that the closer you are to her, the clingier she gets. The whole friends forever thing. The whole resistance to change.

So i sit and wonder to myself : Why do i let it happen? Heck why do we ALL let it happen? Because i know jolly well that its not just me that ends up in such tight corners. And i guess its cos, overlooking all that, she does have good qualities.(can i sense someone rolling his eyes?) She can be fun to hang out with, she has been around for me in certain situations, she cares..too much sometimes.... or is it all a figment of my imagination? Is this the give and take in each friendship or am i once again being a pushover? We all make excuses and tell each other 'she's just like that'. So do we continue to make excuses and tell ourselves she's difficult, tell ourselves its just a phase that will pass?? Do we tell ourselves it is because she has self esteem issues and do nothing about it?? Oh man.

I thought the whole point of being on holiday was to NOT think.
Come to think of it, i think i've deviated from what i started out to say...