Day 55 Save Me

Okay. Im still here. Still alive. Barely. Surviving, I supposed not living. Yeah, Im extra grumpy today. Since i passed the 40 day mark ive had good days and bad days. Today happens to be a bad day. Its the first day I've felt teary since I've arrived. Oh man, Ive been deprived of my lotions and potions, deprived of good meals, deprived of entertainment and a good bottle of wine, deprived of company, deprived of human contact and connection. Deprived of a wild night out with the girls when all we do is giggle. Yes, Im bitching today. Everyone is entitled to bitch a little. I guess Im just missing my life. And I miss my legs. Ugh. Depressed. Will attempt to go running tomorrow. I need a holiday.

Day 51

Okay. I've been feeling a little edgy/pissy/fidgity/bitchy of late.

Easily irritated and running low on patience. Im not sure if Im pms-ing or its the early mornings that are getting to me. Or just the fact that I never have a moment to myself anymore.

Grr. Maybe I've been here too long.

Whatever.

The first thing Im gonna do when I get back on land is to go get my money and do some serious shopping.

Im in dire need of a haircut (maybe some treatment), a facial, a mani/pedi, a trip down to Strip and a nice afternoon at Danai spa. All of which I am not going to get till I go home.

So. I might as well go out and shop. Get some proper shampoo and conditioner. Get my moisturizer and scrub and loofah. Basically just to go out and come back so I can pamper myself and feel luxurious all over again.

Maybe something to wear. And something decent to eat.

Necessary supplies.

So many things, so little time.

I miss normal.

2 months back

Okay. I finally finally managed to watch the Devil wears Prada.

Yeah yeah, I know Im like super outdated, but I did read the book though.

Anyhoo.. There was a setting in Paris. And I suddenly recognized the familiar sights.. The eiffel, the arc, champs elysee .. notre dame and st michelle .. the bridges .. the seine

Damn, so many memories. And I missed it.Just for a teeny tiny moment, I felt sad ...Sad that such a good time passed and now I really actually have to work.

Ah well. Thats what memories are for, I guess. To look back and recall fondly upon.

I do wish I could go back though, if only just for a while.

Times like these

"In times like these
In times like those
What will be will be
And so it goes
And it always goes on and on...
On and on it goes

And there has always been laughing, crying, birth, and dying
Boys and girls with hearts that take and give and break
And heal and grow and recreate and raise and nurture
But then hurt from time to time like these
And times like those
And what will be will be
And so it goes

And there will always be stop and go and fast and slow
Action,Reaction, sticks and stones and broken bones
Those for peace and those for war
And god bless these ones, not those ones
But these ones made times like these
And times like those
What will be will be
And so it goes
And it always goes on and on...
On and on it goes

But somehow I know it won't be the same
Somehow I know it will never be the same."

Taking one day at a time, one step after another.

Its easier to keep moving that way.
But sometimes its just not enough.

I'm finding it harder than I thought to juggle; to keep things simple.
I guess there is no simple answer, I wish there was. How do I move forward without leaving everything behind ?

I thought I had everything figured out, somewhere along the way black and white meshed into grey.

2008 has been a journey, to say the least.
Did I lose myself along the way ?