Tissue Paper

Up and down, round and round.

My thoughts are as about as predictable as my mood swings. Dammit.

Sudden bout of homesickness, brought on by lack of sleep and too much stress.

I miss you all, I want to go home.

I don't like being responsible, and I think I've never worked so hard ever.

Damn. I have issues.

Clarity

"By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on
Well all I got's

Ooh ooh ooh ooh

And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will pay no mind
When I won't and it won't cause it can't
It just can't
It's not supposed to"

Right or wrong decisions, noone knows. Its hard to tell.

And maybe you cant really categorise a decision as right or wrong; it just is. And you deal with what comes later.

If the right decision is the harder one to make, is it really right? Or is it all just in our (or in this case, my) head?

Looking for direction, still not finding any. Its so hard to let go; so hard to leave a safety net.

Like a hamster on a running wheel.

I have a box. I have many boxes, in fact.

Boxes where I store my thoughts, where I shove away everything I cant deal with so I can happily go on in denial.

Im running out of space. Trying to continue to cram stuff into overflowing boxes means inevitably some stuff spills over.

Denial unravels and it gets harder and harder to make it through the day; it gets harder and harder to cope.

So what do you do ?

Sometimes the most obvious decisions are the hardest to make. The most obvious things are the hardest to do. Living in denial is a much easier (albeit alot less healthier, maybe?) way to push on.

What do you hold on to when there is nothing left?

I tell you, I'm a sucker for pain.

I keep moving, but I can't tell if Im moving foward, backward, or Im at a standstill.

It was long then it was short.

I used to think that I was youthfull (har har)
Young at heart, at least.

Im not so sure anymore. Slowly morphing into a cynical bitch; in 20 years time if Im not careful i'll be the psycho lady with cats.

I've been away from home for far too long. I havent talked to my mum since CNY.

Its been a difficult week. And lack of sleep makes me grumpy.

When shit hits the fan you cant escape. Nowhere to run, it just splatters everywhere.

Anyway. I didnt realise it was Friday the 13th till later in the day, so it isnt self fulfilling prophecy.

:( I need my safe place. I just need to go home.

Let loose

I miss the music.

I miss listening to music, dancing to it.
I miss the stupid morning radio programs that used to keep my company while I made my lonely drive back and forth between my home/uni/work.

Still listening to the same old stuff.

Like a good friend. Good music is good music. Even if its old. Even if you havent changed it in years.

Still good. Still fits.

Mumble mumble

random notes i should have put in my facebook but i never did
i.e.

I dont mumble ! I just speak a little soft
Never say my 't's at the end of a sentance properly
apparently turn pink when i get pissed off and start ranting
yadda yadda yadda

I had many things to say, but now its too cold, I drank too much tea and i desperately desperately need to pee.

And I know as soon as i leave my lappie someone is gonna reach over and take the LAN cable out so I holding it in till I finish off what I need to do.

Hmm Hmmm..

Quiet shift - everything on hold for now. I guess it tends to happen when someone gets a massive stroke/heart attack/embolism (just speculation) and expires.

I cant believe it took 6 hours for a chopper to get here.

I cant imagine what it must be like for those who worked with him, four and a half years, everyday ...

They had to watch him go, they couldnt do anything and they cant even say goodbye.