Reflecting.

Its that time of the year again. The last day of the year, the time we all sit and reflect and make resolutions for the coming year, in hope that the next year will be better that the year before.

We live, we learn. Another year gone by, another lifes lesson learnt.

I don't know how many resolutions I will make this year. I think I'll keep them minimal, and at best doable.

Its been a whirlwind year for me. I've done things I'd never imagine I would and/or could do. I've gone places I never imagined I would see. I lived, I laughed, I cried.

I got depressed, I got drunk, I got high.

I took some gambles, some paid off. Some, I learnt to live with. Others, I'm still trying to learn from. I packed up my bags and flew half way around the world and left everything I ever knew behind - A difficult decision to make, but nevertheless one I have never regretted taking.

I found friends I never thought I would find and kept those who mattered close to my heart. I learnt to depend less on others, and to take baby steps to do things for just for me. I learnt to stop saying sorry for mistakes that weren't mine and to not let people push me around (okay, at least not so much).

I learnt to have a little more patience, to be a little less competitive, to be a little more thankful.

Thank you for your faith in me. Thank you for your support. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for your love. I could have never made it this far by myself.

This year, I'm keeping things simple. Im want to ..

- Appreciate what I have and remember to let it show
- Have faith that everything will work out somehow
- Have the strength to keep my chin up even in the face of adversities
- Let go a little and stop comparing
- To do, and not just try
- Have patience to wait for my turn to shine
- Eat less chocolate (haha)
- Get back into shape (this one comes up every year)
- Be happy, make others happy
- Worry a little less over things out of my control
- Grow a little more (Dont know how to do this one yet)
- Adopt a turtle (finally!)
- Make a difference (Have I made a difference in your life?)

Have wings, will fly.

I sit here quietly and wait for the breaking of a new year and wonder what will come this time around. I will make something out of it. I promise.

Compartmentalizing

Bad news from home (okay, well bad for me) in the middle of my shift.

Umm.. yeah. Well.

Shove it aside and get on with the day. Thats all I can do, no ?

That and eat a whole lot of chocolate.

Go back to my room and drown my sorrows in a hot hot shower.

Why is it that things crumble when Im not there to watch them ?

Make a bookmark.

Its my one month anniversary today.

One month on the rig. Big achievement for me, I'm proud of myself.

Growing and learning in small little baby steps, doing things I never though I would do.

Still so far to go before Im ready to fly solo.

But its a comfort to know Im not alone.

Banana Pancakes.

With ice cream or honey of nutella.

Thats what I want.
Thankfully, I'm removed from temptation. Its day 23 on the rig - no pancakes (unless I want to wake up at 6am) and no nutella.

Noone to feed me.

I suppose its a good thing. Still trying to shed the excess baggage from Paris. Apparently Im not doing a very good job though. Damn, this is like Australia all over again, only thing is that Im stuck on a rig so I cant exactly work out. I hate being chubby.

I was contemplating running up and down the stairs just to get a little bit of a work out but I think that constitutes as a saftety hazard. And its freaking cold outside which means I need to eat.

Arggh. I will grit my teeth and step on a scale later today. Hopefully I wont obsess about the number but Im pretty sure I will.

Damn, I just realised that all Ive been babbling about so far is being chubby. I have to stop obsessing.

Easier said than done, but whatever lah.

Anyway..... day 23 on the rig. I feel so gross, I have no tweezers so I cant groom my eyebrows. Oversharing, I know. Other than that, Im fine. Being the 1 out of 2 females out of the 100 or so people on this rig doenst bother me all that much. Having to share a toilet with 6 people is another story all together.

Not that its dirty but still ... its freakin annoying to have to go all the way up, change out og my boots and helmet and glasses and take off my jacket and BA set ...... go into the living quarters to my room desperatuly needing to pee ... and someones in the toilet.

Or you reach over to wipe your ass .... and .. no toilet paper -_-"

Ahhh well ... no complaints.
Damn, need to go to the toilet now. Toodles.

A lesson learnt

This stumbled across this note today. At just the right time, I suppose; I was starting to bitch about things. I'm putting it here as a small reminder to myself.

Gratitude

Be grateful to those who have hurt or harmed you,
for they have reinforced your determination

Be grateful to those who have deceived you,
for they have deepened your insight

Be grateful to those who have hit you,
for they have reduced your karmic obstacles

Be grateful to those who have abandoned you,
for they have taught you to be independent

Be grateful to those who have made you stumble,
for they have strengthened your ability

Be grateful to those who have denounced you,
for they have increased your wisdom and concentration.

Its hard to be grateful when you still feel sore; its easier to bitch, maybe it even feels better to bitch. Its hard to stand next to someone perfect.

Im trying to take comfort in the fact that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

.....

Still trying.