To Err Is Human??

Its odd. How the more people care about each other, the easier it becomes to hurt one another. The way the smallest things matter so much. The way two people can fight over nothing at all. It’s ironic in a way.. how you can care so much for someone.. Yet the minute you feel threatened you strike where it does the most damage. You take a cheap shot. So if one hurts, the other does too. Doesn’t make you feel any better. But you do it anyway. You can say sorry.. But a thousand apologies doesn’t change what you said. Doesn’t make it hurt any less, doesn’t make it go away.

It kinda sucks.

Then in the aftermath of destruction, you sit on your ass and think : What the hell just happened? Why?

Then you sit a little longer and get confused as to how everything ended so messy. Therefore ending up with yet another sleepless night.

Its amazing actually, how nothing can become something, then become everything yet still end up as nothing. The mind is a strange thing. The human being is a strange thing. How you can bare your soul one minute, then jump around and bite the moment someone steps on your tail. How you can take a licking then go back for more. How little things can bug you so much. How your thoughts can run wild in the middle of the night. Or in the middle of the day. Or whenever.

I wish I could think straight.
I wish my mind and my thoughts didn’t run so wildly, zig zagging throught my head.
I wish that what I squish into the back of my head, what I neatly put into a little box could just stay there.
I wish my head could think faster then my heart.

So I could shut the hell up and not let anything bug me.

Its easier to forgive then to forget.

today would be the end of yet another really long day.. managed to do my shopping :) thnk i blew my budget though...i am so so broke...can see myself going to have to starve for th next couple of months...hope the recepients of my gifts will be happy with what i bought. went for a lil reunion dinner today..just the old gang...their boyfriends..and the pfs boys.. everything went well..been so long since the lil gang met up..guess everyone managed to put their differences behind each other....sat and talked.... you could say i had a good time after i got over the fact that jon just wasnt very happy dont know if hes still in the bad mood...makes it difficult sometimes...just dont know what to do seems like everything i do rubs him the wrong way when hes in those moods. wonder if hes just getting used to everything.... never sends me any mails. never even replies my mails. and he used to mail me all the time..same like he used to call me all the time sometimes i dont even know why i bother to mail him. there isnt even the slightest aknowledgement that he even recieves them.. i just dont know sometimes...guess hes a difficult person. sometimes i just dont know how to treat around him..how to accomadate to his moods. im scared that one day i might just get sick of trying then i dont know what to do jon is my whole world...guess hes the person i want to have a future with figure i would never had taken it so far with him if i didnt..he wouldnt affect me quite so much if i didnt.. it isnt easy growing up stpm results in two weeks time. i am so so scared...i feel so sure that whatever it is i could have done better i know that i screwed up. have a feeling its gonna take me a long long time to ever forget about those awfull papers. getting the lost feeling again.. dont want to sink into depression.

Its Friday Night! Its official...the drinks at sega belissa row are way stronger than at gurney..can feel it go right to my head :) heheh...happy feeling...im floating....been a long time since ive had alcohol in my system...missed the feeling.. does this mean im turning into an alcoholic??? nah...not possible.. went out today to do some shopping....was a rather hurried time though...guess i'll have to continue tomorrow...cant find anything i really like.. had dinner with vila and terri at Bourke Street Cafe , gurney tower..Pass...the place isnt half bad..had a pretty good time just talking and laughing...guess its been sometime since ive had a moment to catch up with them.. bumped into quite alot of people...looks like Chillout is the next happening place to be.. ahh...the good old days... anyway.. its See Muns birthday today..or technically yesterday. ...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! hard to imagine were already 20 this year still feels like ive accomplished nothing...im just not ready to grow up dont know if ill ever be ready... scary...at this age yet i still dont know what to do with my life another ONE WEEK still i get to see the love of my life... seems like eternity sometimes.. late to work today...haha couldnt get up :) tze lins on medical leave...apparently has pharyngitis(not sure if i spelled that right). so it was pretty quite at the office... guess we'll see how things go tomorrow...still on the quest for the perfect gift ...to the one far away ... i love you...night...

Another day has passed.... just got home...bloody tired but cant sleep yet.....dont know how on earth im gonna survive through the weekend... just dont seem to have enough time for anything you know?? seems like all the time is spent at the office..getting pretty tired of all the endless filing. guess im just not cut out for administrative work...can see myself spending my life in there Andrea will be starting work with me next monday... hmmm...i wonder if she'll be able to stand it. it isnt a hard job, but for someone who has never worked before who can tell arrghhh...valentines day coming..dont know what to buy.. still searching for the perfect gift...just dont have time to get it done properly... to make something, to draw something.. havent even got a card to mail down..and i wanted to send down something handmade...oh well..... looks like ill have to make do with what i have i miss him. another week till i have you in my arms again :) cant wait