Finally broke out of my coccoon though.. Counting the days till i can finally say goodbye to my job.. till he comes back.. and unfortunately till i have to go back to uni. Still faced with the difficult decision.. should i transfer? Will it be worth it?? Will it be better or worse?? I dont know... I cant say... Can only think.
I think im PMS-ing. I WANT TO BE SELFISH. I WANT HIM TO COME BACK
I hope we have another day like this. Most enjoyable :)
Anyways, i did promise pics so...
This would be me in my very own safety helmet. And i get to keep it :)Yes, I know its a little too big.. but I have a small head, cant do anything about it. This pic was taken at the IJM concrete plant in Jelutong.
Yup... These would be our safety shoes. Solid and heavy (think steel toes - a car could roll over and you wouldnt feel it), its one heck of a chore walking to and fro from the site every day since i cant afford to drive. Its like wearing weights on your ankles...and its about all i can do to drag myself uphill after spendin half the day out in the sun.. even the contractors have noticed how black ive gotten... *sigh*
This is the view from one of the recently completed projects E Gate.. Its right next to the project im stationed at, so whenever we get bored, we come here to loaf around in the shade and take photos. As you can see, the views a rather pretty one...didnt think the coastal highway looked like this, did ya??
Did this all by myself..Took me quite some time to get everything perfect, and yes im very proud of my very first drawing done in the site office so im putting it up anyway
This is half of the site im on. It was taken a couple of weeks ago, so theres much more to be seen now... ground is done, and first floor comin up. Its hot and dusty... and the labourers work all day...Till I came here, i never new that much effort had to be put into building... And I still dont understand how they can work all day in the blazing heat cos after a while i feel like dropping. Now i carry an umbrella. I dont care if its looks stupid, its HOT!
Ishuet celebrated her 21st Birthday a little over a week ago.
Happy Birthday Shuet!! As usual, we gathered at her house to celebrate.. and we came home with our own souveniers. Ishuets place would be the only house where you celebrate her birthday and you come home with something for yourself :)
This would be what we came home with - bracelets. And our own plate.. with food... Ishuet's moms spaghetti rocks! For a few days in a row, i had it for dinner .. and im still not sick of it. Actually im gettin hungry now....
If you've noticed i havent been updating, its because Jon came back for his hols so ive been spending most nights with him (or with my girls) .. and he left to go back for his short sem yesterday morning :( And i miss him. I really, really miss him. Three weeks to go and counting..
Oh yea... if i look bad in the pic its cos its after a night of chilling...
Everytime i say something, he laughs. When I do something, he laughs. When i try to clamber overbeams, he laughs. When I walk to the site holding an umbrella(hey its hot, cant blame me), yup.. He also laughs. He even managed to crack up at my bosses attempt at making jokes. Such a happy dude.
He's really nice to all of us though .. and we have on various occasions managed to wheedle free drinks off him :) And for want of nothing to do, I get to hold the measuring tape .
I think he finds me amusing .... Oh well.. Least I can do is provide entertainment, even if i cant read structural drawings.
I think they need to do much more than rebranding.
For the past few days, I've been recieving calls on my cell phone from the oddest people (think peoples parents??) whom i do not know and ive never heard of and i dont recognize the numbers at all. Each ask me who i am, do i know so and so, have i been talking to so and so, are you sure you dont know who he is, your phone number is on my bill do you know this number are you really sure you dont know what about so and so, you know him??
Bloody Telekom Malaysia and its crosslines. Its annoying me. Especially when some wierdo calls you in the middle of the night lookin for some one that you dont know.
Onwards to Vision 2020. Hah.
My brother has managed to convince my mom that he needs a laptop very badly, so much urgent work to do. So he's gettin a laptop. I, on the other hand, managed to convince my mom that I need a new laptop more than he does..an intergrated graphics card cant support all the design work i do (YES ITS TRUE). SO.....
I got a new laptop :). Farewell to my trusty Acer Travelmate which has kept me company for so long, Hello to my new Toshibe Satellite.
Im sorry.I didnt mean it. But i cant change what happened. No matter how many times i say im sorry, how many times i try to explain myself, that i didnt mean it, fact still remains i cant change anything and i cant fix it.
And that is the worse feeling in the world. To know you hurt the one person you love so much, the one person who gave so much to you, put so much into you, believed in you..All because you didnt think. And theres nothing you can do about it to make it better.
It just sucks.
I love you. Im sorry.
We were on the way to the site when i commented how i felt like having McDonalds. Then someone commented on how near Tesco was to us..And someone came up with the idea of eating ice cream an Mcdonalds. Then we realised we were unsupervised....
And the evil thoughts start coming .. ..
As you can guess, we didnt spend that much time on site. Instead, we took a little detour to McD's where we each had our ice cream. (Though three girls had no money, one guy did :)) And returned back to the office just in time for the day to end.
And we'll probably be doing it again ... Now we just have to remember to bring money with us....
Anyways, there was a massive storm on monday, the kind where visibility is so low you cant drive, the sky is all red, loads of wind, thunder and lightning. I was on the com when the power got cut off. So being me (so smart) i turned it back on again. Well..guess it wasnt that great an idea cos about fifteen mins later the fuse tripped again (is this why the modem fried??) so i gave up and spent a sleepless half hour in my bed till i decided it was safe enough to venture out and flip the switch back on. I got out of bed, walked to my door, opened it and stepped out ..
Right into a puddle of water.
Yup. My house flooded. Rather nasty shock at one in the morning considering its never flooded before. Heck it just got renovated. My first thought was that the toilet somehow overflowed which wasnt too comforting especially since there was no power so i had no idea what i was stepping in (imagine HUMAN WASTE. Oh yuck). Anyway i opened my mouth and made enough noise to wake my folks up, plucked up enough courage to walk to the fuse box in all that water and flip the switch back on ( rather stupid realy, i could have been electrocuted come to think of it ) and found myself staring at enough water for fish to swim in. Okay okay, enough water for peacock fish to swim in.
My mom: the water came in through the windows, who didnt close the wondows, see now all the water came in through the windows, aiya aiya why didnt anyone close the windows..
My dad: Its coming from underground, maybe theres too much water in the soil and theres a crack in the tiles *poke poke around looking for a misterious hidden spring* stop making so much noise it cant be coming from the window water can come from underground ..
I walked around the house and found out the water was coming from the roof. Haih. I spent that night moving all my waterlogged stuff to a higher level.
Today, i have yet again been reminded how uneligible my writing is. As industrial trainees, we each have to submit a report and keep a logbook.. so naturally we swapped notes. And at least once for every page, someone comes up to me and asks me what i wrote. And sometimes i cant read it either. Guess all that writing in primary school didnt help much. :)
With my pc down, i cant upload any pics. All i can say is that safety helmets and me just dont go. I feel like a maggot.
Guess what .. i have a dental appointment tomorrow. Yay!
Now usually i absolutely despise visits to the dentist. Lying down on that freaky chair, with the freaky pain inducing instruments and bright light and your mouth streched wide open with some lady, no matter how nice, poking into it is NOT my idea of fun. Doesnt even come close. Its somewhere right down at the bottom, alongside the things i hate to do eg going for medical check-ups. But as its tomorrow afternoon and the dental isnt open on weekends and the appointment was scheduled a year ago, i get the afternoon off!! Yay!!
Only wish i could get the whole day but lets not be greedy.. i get an afternoon off!! Thank god for small pleasures.
I was having ice cream and talking to a friend of mine, Kok Yun (we think he has a girlfriend but he's yet to admit it in public), when he said the most surprising thing to me:
That alone, was enough to blow my mind away. Anyway, being the kaypo i am, i had to ask why. To which he replied
And i just had to laugh. Anyone who knows me and my relationship knows im far, far from being an easy girlfriend. Heck, Jon would be the first person to run out with a megaphone to announce it. And yes, i know i have a habit of being dificult. Blame in on hormonal imbalance. Just goes to show that the grass always looks greener on the other side.. But then again, Kok Yun probably thinks that all he needs to keep me happy would be a large tub of ice cream .. THINK AGAIN. Not everything can be fixed with a bribe.
But then again, a good pint of Baskin Robbins does have the ability to put a big, fat, happy smile on my face and a sugar high to last me all day :)
Anyway, today would be my third day or work/industrial training at IJM and its gotten pretty fun. Well, today at least. For those less informed, as a scholarship student i have to complete ten weeks of training every year. And this year, they took pity on me and let me do my training at the Bayswater Resort Condominium. Thats right next to Tesco. And its still in consrtuction. So here you have a first year Mech student who knows absolutely nothing on a construction site. And i have my own little safety helmet and safety boots. So every now and then i get to go on site and into buildings and explore. And if im not doing that i get to sit in the office and do absolutely nothing. Actually im supposed to look at construction drawings and read up on all sorts of systems but it doesnt really matter. Only downside about havin no proper work to do?? Bloody boring. Oh well... for 500 bucks a month what can you expect. Im basically gettin allowance for doing nothing but observing and asking questions. And after 3 days i know more amount the practical side of civil engineering than about my own field. But going on site is fun. For the moment. Added bonus is that there a couple more trainees with me :), we trainees follow the big people out to eat so i never have to drive.
I hear spaghetti calling my name .. pics coming soon..till then, im gonna stuff myself silly.
Maybe if you werent so convinced that everything was okay the fall to the ground wouldnt hurt so much, wouldnt be that much of a shock, wouldnt make you feel so darn stupid. Maybe if you were already prepared for the worst to happen it wouldnt be that bad when it did. Maybe a dull constant pain is better than a sudden drop from a sky high to a low. If you never let yourself fly you would never have to feel the fall. You would never have to feel the pain. You would be safe.
I want to go to bed and not wake up. Preferably for a long, long time.
"Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do."
"Accept the past as the past, without denying or discarding it."
"Learn to forgive yourself and forgive others."
"Don't assume its too late."
On death: "There are mornings when I cry and cry and i mourn for myself. Some mornings, im so angry and bitter. But it doesnt last long. Then i get up and say, 'I want to live.'"
On dying: "Dying is only one thing to be unhappy over. Living unhappily is something else."
"When you learn to die, you learn to live."
"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldnt. You take certain things for granted even thought you know you should never take anything for granted."
"Love wins. Love always wins."
"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they're busy doing something they think is important. This is because they're choosing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."
"Love is the only rational act."
"Why are we embarrassed by silence? What comfort do we find in noise?"
"Dont let go too soon. But dont hang on too long."
"Be compassionate. And take responsibility for each other. Love each other or die."
"There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like."
"Love is when you are as concerned about someone else's situation as you are about your own."
"If you're always battling against getting older, against change, you're always going to be unhappy, because its going to happen anyhow."
"Fate succumbs many a species: one alone jeopardises itself."
"Money is not a substitute for tenderness, power is not a substitute for tenderness."
"If you're trying to show off for people at the top, forget it; They will forget you anyhow. If you're trying to show off to people at the bottom, forget it; they will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone."
I guess thats enough thought for one night. Think about it. I did.
Ever know what its like to feel nothing? Completley numb. Like you've been submerged too long in a block of ice. Like you have no soul, just a shell walking aimlessly. Like you just dont feel. Things arent like colours on a sharp SXVGA LCD screen. Its like an endless mess of greys and greens and browns, blurred together on one canvas. Numb is when you havent slept in a while but you aint tired. When you havent eaten but you just dont feel hungry. Where you wonder if throwing yourself in front of a bus could hurt. And whether you could die, or end up in hospital with attentive people by your side. When you dont give a shit if anyone comes for your funeral, when you dont give a shit if you live or die, when youre not on a 64 tone polyphonic, but on a somethin worse than a standard monotone - the 'ring ring' tone.
I guess being numb is when you just dont care anymore.
Is it wrong to want something better? To be the best you can be, to want to try harder?
Is it wrong to push yourself to the limit, to go all the way? Is it wrong to try?
I've always thought to myself, if someone else can do it, I can to. Within reasonable limitations, that is..I know I will never be a super model/movie star/genius. So I push myself, I don’t want to be left out. I don’t want to at the end of the day, feel like shit cos I didn’t try. I don’t want to think that I might have, that I could have, if only I tried. I hate what-iffing.
So I push, sometimes to the point where I buckle under the stress, and I break down.I don’t want to fail. And I guess by fail, I don’t mean pass-fail kind of fail. I don’t want to disappoint myself. I don’t want to not be able to live up to expectations. Maybe I try to hard, maybe I expect to much.
Maybe that’s wrong??
Hmm...
I think something went wrong somewhere along the line...
Or I could settle for the fact that I’m just weird.
Oh yea .. the girls and I went up to Mount Pleasure for the weekend, to let loose and have some fun J .. and we did have fun. From mahjong sessions to pool dunking, hair curling-straightening to ice cream parties, drinking and junk food sessions, it was all a blast. Even when a hand phone accidentally went swimming with us. It’s a cozy feeling, nine girls squished onto one bed, fighting over the comforter and talking till the sun comes up and its not night time anymore. From fifth form till now, we’ve been coming up at least once a year. And sitting there pigging out on ice cream, junk, cereal, whatever was edible in the house, it’s nice to know boyfriends or not, working or jobless, local uni student or not, we all have mount pleasure and ice cream if we make the effort.
Though I didn’t take many pics (it completely slipped my mind the night before), check out the pics, nevertheless..
Yu Ming and Leech
Lazing in the pool
water babes :)
See Mun
A happy Chai floating
Leech and Me
Another poolside pic .. arent we a happy lot
The Babidadari : Me, Chai and Terri
And for a group of girls who basically had no sleep the night before and managed to eat an alarming amount of food between us (think about 100 bucks worth of food in a day – a dozen eggs, ten packets of instant noodles, 2 cartons of milk, eight tubs of yoghurt, cereal, a lot of junkfood, bread, ice cream, rice, chicken .. – yes, we are scary), I think we look pretty darn content J
I am not alone.
Girls, in general want/need ( i have yet to figure that out ) to be treated like princesses. We thrive on attention and secretly want someone to worship the ground we walk on and have someones world revolve around us and solely us. Who doesnt want to feel like the most important thing on earth?? Selfish and troublesome, i know.. but still.. a girl can dream, cant she?? Remember the fairy tales we all learnt aeons ago??The ones where some prince charming sweeps the the princess off her feet and rescues her from some evil dragon?? Swan princess?? Cinderalla? Yea well..Most girls secretly want to be the princess. Similarly, teensy part in most guys want to be the macho prince .. Its just that its hidden somewhere next to the part that nurses the secret need to be babied.
On another note, i happened to catch Thirsty Traveller on the travel channel. And i think i've found my calling. For those of you who dont/cant watch the travel channel, Thirsty Traveller is basically about this guy that travels the world getting to sample all types of booze and find out its history, how its made, the festivals etc. ( today i found our sambuca originates from Rome and why they put in three coffee beans ) And he gets paid for it. Best job ive come across so far. The girl who travels the world compliling best hotel/beach/restaurant list sounds pretty great as well.
I should have taken journalism and beauty classes instead of engineering.
" 'Love her not only in your heart but also in your mind. If you base your relationship just on feelings, it will fail for there are ups & downs in feelings. Girls are there to be loved, not toyed around.'
'Love her for who she is. Don't even think about changing any bit about her. 6 billion people in this world & 6 billion different personalities. She's special & she should stay that way. You change any part of her, you'll change her forever.'
'If you love her, don't substitute her with some else, for they are all unique in their own ways and sooner or later you'll find something you want to change in the other person. Its not always her, it could be you.'
'Love her whole-heartedly. She willingly sacrificed for you so treasure it. Of the 6 billion people in the world she chose you. So love her, dont play her.'
'Don't ever let the girl to beg you to stay or whatsoever. If you're with her, love her. Don't cause strain in the relationship, or you'll end up loving each other out of pity or charity, that's not respecting love at all. Respect love the way it is & everything will be the best it can be.'
'Don't expect perfection. We're all human. There's only one of her in the world & she's done the best she could. Just because it wasnt what you expected doesnt mean she didnt try.'
'Like another girl while you're in a relationship? Then I think it's time you remain single for a while. Don't go around breaking hearts, it's the most tragic & selfish thing to do.
Tell the truth, never hide. If you expect honesty, be honest. Love isnt a game. And if you cant be honest, its time to rethink.'
'Don't go calling other girls "honey", "babe" or "darling". How would it feel if your girl calls other guys the same way? Be thoughtful for her feelings.'
'Flirting is for singles. People socialise & flirt around to get The ONE. Get over it when she's already yours, don't ask for more. Be faithful, enough is enough.'
'It never kills to be romantic. Think, be flexible. Getting that diamond ring isn't the only gift for her. Be realistic, she's human & she lives life just like you. Something sweet & simple always gets the job done. Money doesn't exist between couples, it's the love.'
'Never promise her that you'll love her forever because your forever might end the next day. Love her as long as you both shall live. Love her as if each day is the last.
Sweet talk only applies for singles, not for attached guys. Do that & you'll really break her heart. Isn't good being too well-known too, it'll give her a sense of insecurity. Remember, INSECURITY.'
'Make promises to her & make sure you never break it. Swear to her & make sure you keep it. Pledge your love to her & her alone.
Loving her is giving her your heart to break but trusting her not to. Instead, she'll cherish it & protect it. That's love. Give her your heart, your life, your everything. Lay down your life & prepare to die for her when the need arises. But stay strong & live through another day, she can never live without you.'
'Never, ever walk out of her life. She won't just cry her heart out & carry on living as usual. Broken hearts make broken people. Once you break her heart, she'll never be the same again. And once you lose something, you'll never get it back.'
'Winning a girl's heart isn't the final victory. Don't leave her once you've won her love. Love her all the way till the end of time, love her till marriage, love her till old age, love her till death. If you can love her till the end of time, you've earned the honor & respect for you've truly loved her.'
'She chose you because she believes that you can fulfil your promise. Win her heart & love her over. Remember, the girl isn't a trophy for display, she's someone to love, not to show off to your "friends". Stay humble yet proud that she's the one for you.'"
Being female and having had my own share of "bad times", im obviously for this little posting above me( which girl hasnt had these kind of thoughts before?? ) .. and i find it even more interesting that a guy thought this up. Kinda makes you think, doesnt it?
Yup .. hols again. Three months away from PB, away from campus, away from books. Three months of eating, living and sleeping Penang Island. So happy so happy :)
Actually only a couple of weeks more before i start work. Damn. Currently sitting with Terri and Justin while doing this..Just one of the many people i have vowed i will meet up with this hols .. and its so much easier doing things when you have broadband. :)
Anyways, i am currently done with Engineering Math and Statistics, i have packed up my Fluid Mechanic books, My Materials, Statics and Design stuff is packed up out of the way and i am currently very, very ready to have some fun. The girls will be back soon and its back up to Mt Pleasure (doesnt that name just make you think of odd things??) for a weekend and some much needed chilling .. So seeya people around .. and remember im always free for a day out, a breakfast, a dinner .. ANYTHING .. so, CALL ME! :)
Im not going to exaggerate say how close we were and stuff like that cos we werent. We were friends, classmates. Not close friends. I cant even begin to imagine how his closest friends, family, girlfriend must be feeling. I cant imagine myself in the same place. I dont want to ever be in the same place. But it makes you realise, just how fragile life is. Just how suddenly things can happen. Where you spend your life reading stuff like this, watching stuff like this and you live in your secure little coccoon thinking it will never happen to me.
It still seems unreal. At the funeral, it struck me odd cos there seemed to be too many youngsters, teenagers. People in my generation who have at most have only gone to a grandparents, greatgrandparents funeral, or maybe not at all. At this age, death is something you think is still far, far away.
He will be dearly missed by all who knew him.
Its been over a week and ive regularly been gettin wiered dreams. Every night, without fail. Doesnt matter if i sleep at one or i sleep at three, i still get wiered dreams.
And damn are they wiered.
So there you have it : i am stressed. So if i happen to yell at you cos you annoyed me, so sorry. I have been off coffee for a grand total of two days and its making me feel stupid and sleepy.
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IN YOUR FACE Baha!
Happy happy...
Almost done now.. just gotta hang on a little bit longer..
