Just when you think the whole world is okay and everythings going smoothly and you wake up every morning, if not all bright and chirpy at least not dreading to get out of bed, it comes crashing down around you. Leaving you standing there in the rain like an idiot with your ass hanging out of your pants, wondering what the hell just happened and how. Leaving you feeling like the shoo-in for the greatest idiot award cos you've just been telling the dude next to you how great the world and everything in it is. For the past few weeks. Just seconds before it fell out from right under your feet. In three seconds what you used to know, you arent sure of anymore. You dont know if it still safe in your old safe place, if the ground is still safe to walk on, you dont know who to talk to, who to trust. Not anymore. You cant tell which is the real thing and which is a mere illusion.
Maybe if you werent so convinced that everything was okay the fall to the ground wouldnt hurt so much, wouldnt be that much of a shock, wouldnt make you feel so darn stupid. Maybe if you were already prepared for the worst to happen it wouldnt be that bad when it did. Maybe a dull constant pain is better than a sudden drop from a sky high to a low. If you never let yourself fly you would never have to feel the fall. You would never have to feel the pain. You would be safe.
I want to go to bed and not wake up. Preferably for a long, long time.
2 comments:
hi lis, havent heard from you in a while. great photos you put up.
ummmm, just a comment, i find your journal getting really philosophical. but then again, this journal is about your thoughts.
love,
tzelin.
hey .. could have out up more but i had certain restictions.. somewhere along the line this blog evolved into a place for me to bitch about my thoughts. Or more like to get all the junk out of my head. Gets lonely every once in a while.
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