The thought of A Thought of A thought..

I hate thinking. I hate thoughts. Especially the ones that sneak up on you, at the most unpropriate times. Cos these thoughts are generally the most unpleasant ones. Truthfully, i dont really see the point of sitting there/lying there with the same damn thoughts running over and over in your head. When theres not a damn thing to be done about the situation anyway. Except further worsen should you choose to open your gap. Really.. such a waste of time...such a waste of emotion. Cos some to think of it, its not like nice, happy thoughts keep you awake at night. Its those dark, evil ones that keep you up. That raise your blood pressure. How i wish i didnt have any.

I dont see the point of playing mind games, sneaking into other peoples head, messing with their thoughts. Maybe im too naive, obviously i will never become a politician. So sue me. I just cant. Not good at it, never will be. Dont know if its a blessing or a curse but its what im stuck with. Maybe in ten years time i wouldve become old and cynical to join in with the rest of the rat pack but right now, im lost.

I hate it when im not heard, when what i say falls on deaf ears, or even worse, is met with total ridicule. One cannot know anything, im entitled to a thought. To my opinion. To my logic.
Just because people dont see things the way you want them to doesnt mean they dont see it at all.

Q: Whats the use of shooting down everything i say, of disbelieving me even before the words are out of my mouth?
A: Nothing
Q: What the use of critisising me, of laughing at me, when im saying something that i mean?
A: Nothing
Q: Whats the use of not believing me when i say i cant? (I am human, i am vulnerable. I cant do everything. I have many weaknesses. The last thing i need if to get everything shoved into my face. Do i have to fall all the way down before you listen)
A: Nothing

There is nothing to be gained from this at all. The more shit gets spat back at you, the less i eventually will have to say.

One day i will finally learn. And be silent.